Sunday, January 23, 2011

Michael Jacobson Is a Cyborg Sent From the Future to Destroy Humanity

Hasta la vista, healthy fats and proteins!

Michael Jacobson, otherwise known as The Sueinator (or The Guy From CSPI), had his true nature revealed when he walked naked into a biker bar and said in a thick Austrian accent, "Your burgers and buffalo wings, give dem to me!"

Like all evil cyborgs, Jacobson is relentless. Here's an interview just published where he (I mean it) lays out all its evil plans to destroy humanity:
While critics have called the CSPI the “joyless eating club” and insist Jacobson’s work is based on “junk science,” major chains realize that, for better or worse, Jacobson is an industry agenda-setter. QSR visited the CSPI offices in Washington, D.C., to learn what Jacobson has in his crosshairs for 2010.
I thought the term "crosshairs" was now verboten? I guess it's OK to use it if you are an evil robot from the future who claims to be a progressive and is an industry agenda-setter. How do we know it is progressive? Well, it tells us itself in Huffington:

Walmart doesn't exactly conjure up warm and fuzzy feelings among many of us who call ourselves progressives. Though the company's huge footprint in the marketplace means consumers can pay lower prices for clothing, electronics, and increasingly, food -- it has also resulted in the shuttering of many family businesses.

( . . . )

The liberal in me doesn't like the idea of a company as big and as powerful as Walmart. But the scientist in me requires that I put the laudatory things that Walmart is doing on the scales as well.
This refers to the recent strong-arming of Walmart (or nudging as it is known in evil robot circles), of which Jacobson approves. Reducing trans-fats and sugar is actually a good thing (when it is voluntary). But the grudging praise this evil cyborg gives is simply a part of the larger plan to eliminate the human race.

It's a hell of a lot easier to wipe out mankind when it is composed mostly of people who are obese, zoned out on statins, suffering problems from "heart-healthy" wheat, and high blood pressure meds. Been to a mall lately? The plan is working perfectly. The thing about evil cyborgs from the future with access to time travel is that they can relax and plan the downfall of the human race with plenty of past to spare.

Ancel Keys was also an evil cyborg from the future but it was first-generation. Jacobson, a later model, shows a much higher level of sophistication. They are improving all the time. These time traveling cyborgs are like artillery fire, they are meant to soften us up until we all resemble the humans in Wall-E before they send back the robot army to wipe us out.

No comments:

Post a Comment