Tuesday, February 01, 2011

I'm Such a Kitchen Nazi

Yes, it's time to come clean. I'm a complete fascist in the kitchen. When I'm cooking, stay out of the way or I will totally go anschluss on your ass. But it's worse than that, when someone else is cooking I get nervous chills running up and down my spine. I can't keep from hovering and offering helpful hints like, "You have no clue how to dice a @#&*%$ onion!"

And the ironic thing is that I'm a lousy cook. Ok, not lousy but certainly mediocre. This is not false modesty. I'm quite good at a few things, but cooking is definitely not one of them. Of course this must be the root of my kitchen Nazism. I'm insecure because the internet shows me just how mediocre I really am. Damn you, amazing internet cooking bloggers! Yet I probably wouldn't have made cooking into a hobby if I hadn't had access to all those internet blogs and recipes.

We have a pretty small flat, but our kitchen is a shrine to great cooking. Granite counters, Wusthof knives, a spice rack the size of the Ritz, etc. I'm like the guy with the $10,000 set of golf clubs who can't hit a ball out of a sand trap.

Ok, I've come clean. I feel much better. Now I've got to go, my wife is trying to pour a glass of water and totally screwing it up.


  1. Sure, sure you are sorry. Flaunting it on the interwebs with your great recipes and pictures. You kitchen hussy! Think of the little people!